5 am is a lonely place. Last time I drink coffee after 6 pm, I can already feel the sun rising. Instead of trying to sleep, I am reading through my old tumblr drafts, and it amazes me how differently I feel and look at things. It’s crazy, this concept of time, how it can allow one to forgive, forget, move on. How it can heal wounds, mend hearts, and change feelings. People who were once so important in my life, they leave their mark and then walk away, and I know I can never be as close as I once was to them.
-Surprises. I like surprises. I like spontaneity. I like living life without planning too far into the future, and I like trying new things, especially with the people I love.
-Ahh you bring so much happiness in my life, thanks for bringing it back today. I didn’t realize how much I truly missed you until now.
-So much negative energy, I just want to go back to Berkeley.
-I miss you. So so much. Wait, scratch that. I miss the idea of you. Yeah, I miss that a whole lot. Like you have no idea.
-I feel like I have so many thoughts, but they’re like a rubber band ball-all wrapped together. I am trying to peel them apart from each other one by one, but am just making a mess as a result.
fell off the face of the Earth. Well, not really, but you fell out of my world, and that’s all that really matters to me.
Last night was a much needed break, for I haven’t felt that comfortable and open in awhile. It reassured some things that did not really need reassurance, and it made me so much more grateful for the relationships I built this last semester. New people, new experiences, and stronger friendships. Focusing on those who matter, being surrounded by new distractions, not dwelling on what could have been. Makes life a whole lot easier, filled less with worry. Summer has been a relaxing, spontaneous joyride thus far, and I’m still not quite sure what I’ll be doing this next week, but I’m looking forward to it.
Today was a good day, super chill. Chipotle and ice cream=a wonderful, fantastic combination. Add in the Dictator…BAM! A goodass day. Ran another four miles today too, but I really need to change my eating habits. We’ll see…
Thoughts thoughts thoughts:
-Every day it gets easier and easier. I think less about you, and it’s a freeing feeling. I don’t regret anything, because you’ve made me realize how important it is for me to guard my heart, and to not let people in who haven’t earned their way in. When I let someone into my heart, I also let them into my mind, into everything I do. I need to make sure that these people affect me in a positive way, adding love to all of my actions. I realize now that you have affected my outlook on life in a negative way, and I don’t like the person I was becoming because of it. But thank you for that brief lesson.
-You pop into my life, causing brief bursts of happiness, and I’m kind of getting used to it. I guess I like it, it’s kind of cute, the whole constant, erratic interruptions of joy.
-AH i know I probably won’t talk to you much next year, if at all, but I really do miss your presence. And I admire your ability to read people. You are capable of so much, you have no idea.
-YAY a flashback to last year, can’t wait for next weeeeek :D
